Mid Life Mayhem

I've finished!

The house is spick and span (what on earth does that mean?) ..... I know it means clean but where, oh where, does 'spick and span' come from? As I was saying, the house is spotless (in preparation for visitors), all the presents are wrapped and sitting under the tree, the Turkey's stuffed and ready to be popped into the oven and the kitchen is bursting with Yuletide fare.

I've done my bit for another year and now I can put my feet up and relax ..... at last. zzzzzzzzz ......

Oooops ...... Just one more thing to do .....

I wish you everything you wish for yourself at Christmas and in 2007.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Sparky x

Still ill! Getting worse.

Sparky x

Sick of SITTING and still too exhausted to contemplate work, I ventured out, with the remains of my flu, to meet my lover.

We shared germs.

Saturday marks the sixth anniversary of our first meeting. I remember, so clearly, the moment I first saw him on the dance floor, his white shirt glowing under the ultra violet ..... blonde and fresh faced ..... a neat body, so perfectly packaged ..... pristine ..... he was beautiful.

He was also bright and friendly and interesting and funny and obviously trying to impress me, but it didn't enter my mind that he was really 'interested' in me .....(Me? Fat and frumpy and years and years older?) .....

Then we danced ..... and we fitted together just like peas and carrots. (Thank you Forrest Gump)

It was heaven to be in his arms ..... I closed my eyes and allowed myself to melt into him ..... and as he held me close I heard his gentle whispers ..... "Maggie Thatcher", "Maggie Thatcher", "Maggie Thatcher" ...... I was horrified to discover that I was dancing with a member of a Tory cult! ..... But then I realised, with relief, that the poor boy was attempting, unsuccessfully, to control his throbbing erection

He pursued me with e-mails and phone calls until our first 'date' two months later ..... I fell 'in love' with him there and then ..... I remember the exact moment ..... As he walked to the bar I was struck by his beauty, the line of his profile, his compact body ..... I felt so overwhelmingly lucky to be able to be in his company ...... even now, the memory of that moment leaves me breathless. (Please feel free to vomit if you wish)

Six years later and we have survived a roller coaster of emotions. His faults are all to obvious and frustrating and fascinating and irritating ...... and I still wonder at his beauty and I still get excited at the prospect of seeing him, and I still grieve when we are separated and I only, truly, feel whole when my hand is in his ..... I love him. (Ahhhhh)

So, today I shared my germs with the man I love. I selfishly put him at risk of flu.
Does this cast a doubt on the depth of my love?

Should I feel guilty?

Sparky x

I planned for two, well earned, 'sickies' on Thursday and Friday and what do you think happened? I actually got ill! Where's the fairness in that?

Instead of meeting my friend for lunch and catching up on some Christmas shopping, I spent two whole days SITTING, too exhausted to move farther than the loo.

On Saturday, unable to sit for one moment longer, I ventured into the light, on my Bambi legs, and wandered aimlessly amongst the Christmas shoppers. I searched, through blurry eyes, for 'inspiration'. What do you give someone who was given three months to live LAST Christmas?

My sister, Sue, bequeathed all her worldly goods this time last year when she was told that her breast cancer had spread to her lungs, liver and bones and that she only had three months to live. Trinkets were given to family and friends who may have once commented on, or admired them. Her 'affairs' were put 'in order', everything neat and tidy in preparation for her death.

However, Sue's latest two scans revealed no sign of cancer in her liver or lungs ..... Gone?! ..... No Trace?! ..... Vanished?!

I should be jumping for joy but the news has left me stunned, I spent over a year preparing for her death ..... How do I get my head around this news? Can I trust it and relax? Will a new Christmas trinket, something for her to keep forever, be tempting fate? Should I buy something for here and now, something disposable, so as not to alert Death to his mistake?

I almost crawled home from the shops and was relieved to be back in the warm. I was prepared for yet another night SITTING when my friend phoned. "No Sarah, I couldn't possibly come out dancing tonight, I am sooooooooo ill" I said, as I put my outfit together in my head. "I am absolutely (Red top) exhausted (Black fishnets) and really need to (Black ankle straps) rest".

The prospect of dancing the night away, revived me. I slowly began to pick up speed ..... I shivered into shower, pushed my aching arms into applying my make up, (lots of slap around the red rimmed eyes) on with the dress, slip into those heels and off I tottered ..... A bottle of Champagne later and I was dancing hip to hip with Louis, tall, dark and handsome ..... and 28! (See my blog 'men see with one eye') I rolled home at 4 am, full of the joys of Spring ..... Cured!

Today I am SITTING, I have just enough energy to get me to the loo and to push my fingers into slow, laboured, movement as I write this blog ..... Work looms ..... Another bottle of Champagne, I wonder? ..... Hmmmmm ..... Just the present for Sue!

Sparky x

11 weeks since I stopped smoking and I am as fat as a house ..... You can't win can you!

I have just been booted from an MSN community for being ANTI racist!!! I wouldn't mind but it wasn't exactly a support group for members of the master race, I can see that I wouldn't blend into that sort of group. But it was a group for people looking for a descreet affair! You would have thought they would be a little more loving.

I came across this group when I was bored and browsing and thought I would take a peek. (As you do) I imagined it would be a bit sleazy but definitely more interesting than an evening of reality T.V. so I applied to join. ..... I got through the vetting process with ease, saying that I was a married woman looking for "more".

Once inside, I was amazed to find that the virtual place was filled to the brim with horny Daily Mail readers ready to get down and dirty at a Manchester 'meet'. I imagined a cross between a beano and orgy ..... bald. boozy, bank clerks with their bleached blonde, bakery assistant counterparts.

Their imagination knew no bounds as they invented new ways to escape from their wives/husbands for steamy afternoons/evenings of middle aged passion. (Not a pretty sight ) Bingo was a favourite excuse for Sunday sex sessions. BINGO! (Who would not guess there was something seriously wrong if their partner was going to Bingo on a Sunday evening?)

They seemed a somewhat sad, but safe, bunch until the racist came on the scene, a man who made his feelings about immigration clear, using language that reminded me of old Enoch. The man was obviously deranged, but to my utter amazement his views were defended by someone who had previously come across as a harmless, albeit boring, Buckinghamshire bumbler. "Don't you start Roberto" said I "There is enough of this crap in the real world I can do without hearing it here" ..... Well, the bloke reminded me of a 'Werebear'! (Those cuddly bears that were around in the 80's who's smiley heads and paws turned inside out to reveal fangs and claws) He turned!!!

Roberto, sent me a rage filled, hate infested, racist e-mail telling me what a disgrace I was to my race and my country and then another saying that their "fun loving" group did not want people of the "filthy muslim persuasion" in their midst. (My nan was a Jew!?!) My "anti racist views made me unwelcome" and I found myself out in the cold..... I was expelled from the group!

It was a sad little band of disloyal mid life crisis suffererers. A bit of light entertainment for me when Eastenders didn't suffice. Nothing! But the events described above chill me to the core.

I am a Londoner, born and hred and I live in a wonderful multi racial part of London that is filled with colour and cultures from across the globe ..... I love it! Roberto reminded me that what I love fills others with fear and rage.

Racism unexpectedly, kicked me in the teeth.

Sparky x