tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2009-11-08:/MokoFeed2009-11-08T17:41:46+01:00tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2008-01-01:/2008/01/02/january_1st~3516607/Sparkyx2008-01-02T00:04:03+01:002008-01-02T00:05:30+01:00 <p>I am not making any new years resolutions, there is absolutely no point whatsoever.</p> <p>I have made new years resolutions every single year of my adult life, I start preparing them in September so they are ready for new years eve, I write them in my diary/blog, make public declarations, but I never, ever keep them.</p> <p>So, when I read this post on 1st January 2009, an unhealthy eating, alcohol drinking, caffine addicted, un jogged, amoral sex fiend, I will feel a total success!</p> <p>Happy New Year!</p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2008/01/02/january_1st~3516607/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2007-09-02:/2007/09/02/title~2913893/Sparkyx2007-09-02T23:23:03+02:002007-09-02T23:26:19+02:00 <p>Well that didn't work! (See previous post)</p> <p>Nine months since my last blog and despite all of that word giving little has changed. Still fat, still unhealthy, still stressed, still in the same job, blah, blah, blah ..... </p> <p>So what happened? It's simple really, I FORGOT my goals. I just got caught up in everyday life.</p> <p>So here I am again. </p> <p>The current state of play ......</p> <p>It is almost a year since I stopped smoking! So you are feeling fit and healthy I hear you say ..... Am I bugger! I am as fat as a house, my blood pressure is up and I feel old. (Over the hill even) </p> <p>I am pleased that I finally kicked the weed but now I have a new battle. I really do need to get fit (and loose weight) soon. </p> <p>This weekend I bought myself some training kit and tomorrow (if I can get the kit out of the bag) I start the battle of the bulge. (Well, bulges actually) </p> <p>I still haven't worked out how to include exercise into my routine. I hate walking, running is an impossibility with 36J's, and gym is nothing better than a torture chamber. I love swimming though ...... but it buggers up my hair ...... hmmmm ...... It looks like it will have to be dancing ..... Rock and Roll, Jive, Belly, Salsa, I love it all ..... Anyone want to join me? </p> <p>I am back to work tomorrow after six weeks off. I am not looking forward to it one little bit. I am going back to conflict or control ..... more to follow. </p> <p>However, I am counting down the days until I start my 'Stand up comedy course' ..... Yes, a STAND UP COMEDY course <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0">..... One bottle of Prosecco, a few gin and tonics, and just a tiny amount of Brandy, and £159 is electronically transfered out of my bank account ..... YES £159!!! ..... so I can learn how to be a stand up comic!!! ...... AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE COMEDY ..... Oh the power of alcohol ..... It sounded like such a good idea at the time ..... Ho hum. </p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2007/09/02/title~2913893/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2007-01-02:/2007/01/03/i_give_my_word~1507655/Sparkyx2007-01-03T00:05:41+01:002007-01-03T00:08:45+01:00 <p>Today I kept my word! </p> <p>Yesterday I 'gave my word' (to myself) that I would allow myself time and space to think about my aims for 2007. </p> <p>I woke up at 11 (I hate sleeping late) and I was EXHAUSTED. The past weeks and months have taken a toll and Christmas and the 'festivities' have, well and truly, finished me off. My day was filled with activity ..... cleaning, shopping, cooking, preparing for work in the morning, catching up with old friends, deep conversations whilst 'relaxing' in Starbucks, supportive phonecalls to mum and sister ..... the day was filled to bursting. </p> <p>BUT I kept my word ..... I took myself into the bedroom with one intention only ..... to give myself space to think. </p> <p>I lay on the bed in the darkness and noticed my how fast my heart was racing and I tried to calm it by breathing slowly ..... In on the count of five, out on the count of five ..... I noticed the pressure across my forehead and the burning tiredness in my eyes ...... I noticed how my hips and thighs spread across the bed, wider than they were before ..... I noticed how my stomach churned ..... My mind hopped and jumped from things that 'I should be doing' </p> <p>Ten minutes later I had to DO something ..... I could only relax for 10 measly minutes!<br> I was shocked at just how stressed and unfit I was feeling ..... and even more shocked that it was only when I stopped that I noticed <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0">..... I stayed in the bedroom and wrote my aims .....</p> <p>For the next month .....</p> <p>I give my word that I will give myself space to relax for 30 minutes every day.<br> I give my word that I will eat only when I am hungry.<br> I give my word that I will choose food that will help me to become healthy.<br> I give my word that I will break my addiction to caffine.<br> I give my word that I will exercise for at least one hour every week.<br> I give my word that I will see a doctor.<br> I give my word that I will see a dentist.<br> I give my word that I will review the above in one month.</p> <p>I give my word that I will show my love more often.</p> <p>I actually felt fear at the thought of giving my word to do the following :-</p> <p>Within four months .....</p> <p>I give my word that I will earn money by organising a social event.</p> <p>Within one year .....</p> <p>I give my word that I will be earning a regular income by organising social events.</p> <p>So there you have it, I have given my word ..... So how much is it worth?</p> <p>If you get this far please leave a comment. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2007/01/03/i_give_my_word~1507655/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2007-01-02:/2007/01/02/how_good_is_your_word~1503534/Sparkyx2007-01-02T01:58:09+01:002007-01-02T01:58:09+01:00 <p>How good is your word? If you give your word to do something, to be there for someone, can you be relied on 100 per cent? <img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I was asked the above question recently and was surprised to discover that my word was only 'my bond' when given to others (and even then there were always 'get out' clauses) </p> <p>My word, when given to myself, was worthless. "I will not smoke", "I will eat healthily", "I will find a new job", "I will try new things", etc., ..... My word was broken on all counts ..... I put up all sorts of barriers to achieving my 'goals' mainly through fear. </p> <p>2007, another new year, time again to reassess my life. </p> <p>I have hopes and ambitions that I am afraid of realising ..... does that make sense? I have had an idea for a new occupation for myself for ages ..... I want to run my own nightclub <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"> (A bit of a leap from working with kids with challenging behaviour)<img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"> I have lots of brilliant ideas but they rarely come to anything because of fear ..... Of? ..... Failure, of course. </p> <p>So this year, I will not make new years resolutions. I will give my word to myself to achieve what I set out to achieve. (No get out clauses this time)</p> <p>Tonight I give my word that I will make space for myself tomorrow to think about and write my goals for 2007.</p> <p>It's been an exhausting week of festivities, I am stuffed to the brim with Christmas fare and am bursting out of most of my clothes (an interesting sight, I never quite know what will pop out next ..... hmmmm ..... I could probably make some money selling tickets) However, I am entering 2007 with a spring in my step, a smile on my face and lurvvvvve in my heart. The year is full of possibilities!</p> <p>Someone sent me this new years message, I liked it and would like to offer it to you all.</p> <p>Remember, life is short,<br> Break the rules,<br> Forgive quickly,<br> Kiss slowly,<br> Love truly,<br> Laugh uncontrollably<br> and never regret anything that made you smile. </p> <p>Happy New Year to you all. </p> <p>(If you get this far, don't forget to leave a comment, it would be great to make some new friends in 2007)</p> <p>Ohhhhhhhhh I nearly forgot, I stopped smoking in September and am still, happily, a non smoker. Good Luck to all who have decided to quit in 2007 ..... It is really worth the effort. </p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2007/01/02/how_good_is_your_word~1503534/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-12-26:/2006/12/26/what_do_your_christmas_pressies_say_abou~1481921/Sparkyx2006-12-26T22:12:08+01:002006-12-26T22:12:08+01:00 <p>My Christmas presents .....</p> <p>1. A very long gold chain (Because my huge boobs make anything less than 20 plus inches long look like a choker) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>2. A pair of silver hoop earings. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>3. A silver ring with fake diamonds <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>4. A huge bottle of Izzy Mikake perfume (for men, because I don't like the one for women) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>5. 'Singing in the Rain' DVD <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>6. 'The inspector general' DVD (With Danny Kaye <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0">) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>7. A wonderful belt with studs and diamonds and a sparkly buckle from NEXT <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>8. A diamonte stretch bracelet. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>9. Earings to match the bracelet. (Super dooper bling) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>10. A set of kitchen knives. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>11. A pair of black leather gloves with fluff trim. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>12. A very, very long soft black scarf. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>13. A Jasper Conran bronze/gold pashmina. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>14. A silver, black and turquoise diamond pendant with matching earings. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>15. A sage green light jumper. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>16. Dangly, over the top, earings that match the jumper perfectly. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>17. A bottle of pink Champagne. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>18. A packet of Roses chocolates. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>19. 'Pub Quiz' interactive DVD. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>20. 2 bottles of white wine. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>21. 2 bottles of red wine. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>22. A cream and gold candle in a glass with little gold stars. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>23. A mug with the inscription 'Able to multitask, even when resting'. (From my boss) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>24. A £20 gift voucher for Evans. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>25. Two texts and a voice mail message from my lover on Christmas day. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>What on earth do my Christmas presents say about me?</p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/12/26/what_do_your_christmas_pressies_say_abou~1481921/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-12-24:/2006/12/24/just_one_more_thing_to_do~1476185/Sparkyx2006-12-24T21:12:19+01:002006-12-24T21:12:19+01:00 <p>I've finished!</p> <p>The house is spick and span (what on earth does that mean?) ..... I know it means clean but where, oh where, does 'spick and span' come from? As I was saying, the house is spotless (in preparation for visitors), all the presents are wrapped and sitting under the tree, the Turkey's stuffed and ready to be popped into the oven and the kitchen is bursting with Yuletide fare. </p> <p>I've done my bit for another year and now I can put my feet up and relax ..... at last. zzzzzzzzz ......</p> <p>Oooops ...... Just one more thing to do .....</p> <p>I wish you everything you wish for yourself at Christmas and in 2007.</p> <p>Merry Christmas Everyone.</p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/12/24/just_one_more_thing_to_do~1476185/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-12-12:/2006/12/12/still_ill~1431196/Sparkyx2006-12-12T22:30:27+01:002006-12-12T22:30:27+01:00 <p>Still ill! Getting worse. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/12/12/still_ill~1431196/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-12-11:/2006/12/12/should_i_feel_guilty~1427646/Sparkyx2006-12-12T00:58:30+01:002006-12-12T00:58:30+01:00 <p>Sick of SITTING and still too exhausted to contemplate work, I ventured out, with the remains of my flu, to meet my lover. </p> <p>We shared germs. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Saturday marks the sixth anniversary of our first meeting. I remember, so clearly, the moment I first saw him on the dance floor, his white shirt glowing under the ultra violet ..... blonde and fresh faced ..... a neat body, so perfectly packaged ..... pristine ..... he was beautiful. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>He was also bright and friendly and interesting and funny and obviously trying to impress me, but it didn't enter my mind that he was really 'interested' in me .....(Me? Fat and frumpy and years and years older?) ..... </p> <p>Then we danced ..... and we fitted together just like peas and carrots. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> (Thank you Forrest Gump)</p> <p>It was heaven to be in his arms ..... I closed my eyes and allowed myself to melt into him ..... and as he held me close I heard his gentle whispers ..... "Maggie Thatcher", "Maggie Thatcher", "Maggie Thatcher" ...... I was horrified to discover that I was dancing with a member of a Tory cult! ..... But then I realised, with relief, that the poor boy was attempting, unsuccessfully, to control his throbbing erection <img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>He pursued me with e-mails and phone calls until our first 'date' two months later ..... I fell 'in love' with him there and then ..... I remember the exact moment ..... As he walked to the bar I was struck by his beauty, the line of his profile, his compact body ..... I felt so overwhelmingly lucky to be able to be in his company ...... even now, the memory of that moment leaves me breathless. (Please feel free to vomit if you wish)</p> <p>Six years later and we have survived a roller coaster of emotions. His faults are all to obvious and frustrating and fascinating and irritating ...... and I still wonder at his beauty and I still get excited at the prospect of seeing him, and I still grieve when we are separated and I only, truly, feel whole when my hand is in his ..... I love him. (Ahhhhh)<img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>So, today I shared my germs with the man I love. I selfishly put him at risk of flu.<img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"><br> Does this cast a doubt on the depth of my love?</p> <p>Should I feel guilty? <img src="/img/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/12/12/should_i_feel_guilty~1427646/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-12-10:/2006/12/11/champagne_kills_all_known_germs~1424099/Sparkyx2006-12-11T00:32:06+01:002006-12-11T00:32:06+01:00 <p>I planned for two, well earned, 'sickies' on Thursday and Friday and what do you think happened? I actually got ill! Where's the fairness in that?</p> <p>Instead of meeting my friend for lunch and catching up on some Christmas shopping, I spent two whole days SITTING, too exhausted to move farther than the loo. <img src="/img/smilies/graymad.gif" alt=">:-(" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>On Saturday, unable to sit for one moment longer, I ventured into the light, on my Bambi legs, and wandered aimlessly amongst the Christmas shoppers. I searched, through blurry eyes, for 'inspiration'. What do you give someone who was given three months to live LAST Christmas? </p> <p>My sister, Sue, bequeathed all her worldly goods this time last year when she was told that her breast cancer had spread to her lungs, liver and bones and that she only had three months to live. Trinkets were given to family and friends who may have once commented on, or admired them. Her 'affairs' were put 'in order', everything neat and tidy in preparation for her death. </p> <p>However, Sue's latest two scans revealed no sign of cancer in her liver or lungs ..... Gone?! ..... No Trace?! ..... Vanished?! </p> <p>I should be jumping for joy but the news has left me stunned, I spent over a year preparing for her death ..... How do I get my head around this news? Can I trust it and relax? Will a new Christmas trinket, something for her to keep forever, be tempting fate? Should I buy something for here and now, something disposable, so as not to alert Death to his mistake? </p> <p>I almost crawled home from the shops and was relieved to be back in the warm. I was prepared for yet another night SITTING when my friend phoned. "No Sarah, I couldn't possibly come out dancing tonight, I am sooooooooo ill" I said, as I put my outfit together in my head. "I am absolutely (Red top) exhausted (Black fishnets) and really need to (Black ankle straps) rest". </p> <p>The prospect of dancing the night away, revived me. I slowly began to pick up speed ..... I shivered into shower, pushed my aching arms into applying my make up, (lots of slap around the red rimmed eyes) on with the dress, slip into those heels and off I tottered ..... A bottle of Champagne later and I was dancing hip to hip with Louis, tall, dark and handsome ..... and 28! (See my blog 'men see with one eye') I rolled home at 4 am, full of the joys of Spring ..... Cured!</p> <p>Today I am SITTING, I have just enough energy to get me to the loo and to push my fingers into slow, laboured, movement as I write this blog ..... Work looms ..... Another bottle of Champagne, I wonder? ..... Hmmmmm ..... Just the present for Sue! </p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p>11 weeks since I stopped smoking and I am as fat as a house ..... You can't win can you! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/12/11/champagne_kills_all_known_germs~1424099/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-11-30:/2006/12/01/sex_lies_and_racism~1387918/Sparkyx2006-12-01T00:33:29+01:002006-12-01T01:05:39+01:00 <p>I have just been booted from an MSN community for being ANTI racist!!! I wouldn't mind but it wasn't exactly a support group for members of the master race, I can see that I wouldn't blend into that sort of group. But it was a group for people looking for a descreet affair! You would have thought they would be a little more loving. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I came across this group when I was bored and browsing and thought I would take a peek. (As you do)<img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> I imagined it would be a bit sleazy but definitely more interesting than an evening of reality T.V. so I applied to join. ..... I got through the vetting process with ease, saying that I was a married woman looking for "more". </p> <p>Once inside, I was amazed to find that the virtual place was filled to the brim with horny Daily Mail readers ready to get down and dirty at a Manchester 'meet'. I imagined a cross between a beano and orgy ..... bald. boozy, bank clerks with their bleached blonde, bakery assistant counterparts. </p> <p>Their imagination knew no bounds as they invented new ways to escape from their wives/husbands for steamy afternoons/evenings of middle aged passion. (Not a pretty sight <img src="/img/smilies/icon_mad.gif" alt=">:(" class="middle" border="0">) Bingo was a favourite excuse for Sunday sex sessions. BINGO! (Who would not guess there was something seriously wrong if their partner was going to Bingo on a Sunday evening?)</p> <p>They seemed a somewhat sad, but safe, bunch until the racist came on the scene, a man who made his feelings about immigration clear, using language that reminded me of old Enoch. The man was obviously deranged, but to my utter amazement his views were defended by someone who had previously come across as a harmless, albeit boring, Buckinghamshire bumbler. "Don't you start Roberto" said I "There is enough of this crap in the real world I can do without hearing it here" ..... Well, the bloke reminded me of a 'Werebear'! (Those cuddly bears that were around in the 80's who's smiley heads and paws turned inside out to reveal fangs and claws) He turned!!!</p> <p>Roberto, sent me a rage filled, hate infested, racist e-mail telling me what a disgrace I was to my race and my country and then another saying that their "fun loving" group did not want people of the "filthy muslim persuasion" in their midst. (My nan was a Jew!?!) My "anti racist views made me unwelcome" and I found myself out in the cold..... I was expelled from the group! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>It was a sad little band of disloyal mid life crisis suffererers. A bit of light entertainment for me when Eastenders didn't suffice. Nothing! But the events described above chill me to the core. </p> <p>I am a Londoner, born and hred and I live in a wonderful multi racial part of London that is filled with colour and cultures from across the globe ..... I love it! Roberto reminded me that what I love fills others with fear and rage. </p> <p>Racism unexpectedly, kicked me in the teeth. </p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/12/01/sex_lies_and_racism~1387918/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-10-19:/2006/10/19/title~1240595/Sparkyx2006-10-19T22:44:29+02:002006-10-19T22:48:21+02:00 <p>Smoking turns your lungs black, causes premature ageing and those nasty little lip wrinkles, (the ones that enable your lipstick to spread across your face like an evil red fungus) </p> <p>So I stopped smoking! (Almost five weeks now) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> ..... My lungs are becoming increasingly clean and sparkly, my skin has taken on a fresh rosy glow and my lipstick is (generally, apart from post snogging) contained within the lip area ..... But my hips are spreading daily! ..... Arghhhhhhhhh ..... What is a woman to do?</p> <p>I have no objections to being fat, I am a self confessed BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN and PROUD. But even I have my limits. </p> <p>So now I have to emback on a new fitness regime ..... Ho Hum ..... I feel like that king who had to put his fingers in dykes. (Or was it the dyke who had to hold back the tide?) ..... Mid life is a constant battle against the signs of time passing. </p> <p>I know how to loose weight ..... eat less, move more ..... easy! ..... But do I really want to spend precious minutes of my remaining time on earth eating carrots and pounding the treadmill? I think not! </p> <p>I will have to increase the amount of time I spend on energetic passtimes that I enjoy ..... hmmmmm ..... so it's more dancing and sex for me ..... Every cloud has a silver lining. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/10/19/title~1240595/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-10-16:/2006/10/16/men_see_with_one_eye~1225932/Sparkyx2006-10-16T06:46:25+02:002006-10-16T21:25:48+02:00 <p>Three blogs in quick succession ..... and then? Nothing! <img src="/img/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>I tell myself I will write something every day and then life gets in the way. How do all of you regular, committed, organised bloggers do it?</p> <p>Anyway, life is not in the way at the moment ..... It's god knows what time in the morning and I can't sleep, so plenty of time to tell you about the life that is getting in the way of blogging. </p> <p>I noticed that the wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper. After practicing several facial expressions I decided that I laugh, frown and express surprise far too often. </p> <p>I accept that I laugh a lot so I deserve the laughter lines. But my frown lines are aa a result of work and totally undeserved. There should be a new industrial injury registered .....PFI(Repetative Frown Injury) Sufferers should be compensated! This would allow them access to Botox, and, in serious cases, facial surgery. Management should be forced to pay for the effects of their bluddy stupid decisions!</p> <p>I made an amazing discovery this weekend (Expresses surprise and deepens wrinkles further) ..... 28 year old men don't notice facial wrinkles! It's a fact! </p> <p>I was on my weekly clubbing expedition on Saturday and was chatted up by three ..... YES THREE! ..... 28 year olds. This is not a new experience for me, it happens quite regularly. Every man (if you can call them men?) who has chatted me up recently has been 28.(Not 27 or 29 but 28!) This has led me to deduce that 28 year old men do not see facial wrinkles. </p> <p>I suppose it could be argued that I looked stunning on Saturday. I was wearing a sexy (Oxfam bought) red top that showed my very ample curves to perfection. I treated myself to a bottle of Champagne (with the money saved on the top) and was feeling fizzy, bubbly and confident ...... and I danced. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>28 year old men do not see facial wrinkles! ..... Hmmmm ..... Or perhaps they see with just one eye? </p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/10/16/men_see_with_one_eye~1225932/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-09-27:/2006/09/28/three_blogs_in_quick_succession_i_am_get~1167243/Sparkyx2006-09-28T00:47:17+02:002006-09-28T00:47:17+02:00 <p>"Would you like white or brown?" If I were being asked to choose between dusky, dark eyed, Darius or the blonde, bulging muscled, Phillipe, I could have understood my difficulty in answering the question ..... But it was just a sandwich!!! Did I want my cheese on white bread or brown bread? ..... White or brown? Brown or white? Brown or white WHAT? I couldn't think, I couldn't make a decision, the waitress looked at me sympathetically ..... My mind went blank, I was confused. </p> <p>It gets worse ..... Today I invented a new word! ..... 'Hapsidasical' ..... (A cross between Haphazard and Lacksidasical) Normally this would be a reason to celebrate, BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO! ..... It just popped out of my mouth as I struggled to find just the right word to describe my boss's approach to health and safety in the workplace ..... OK, the word perfectly describes her approach ...... BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT ..... I didn't want to say it ..... Could this be the onset of dementia? </p> <p>My life today .....</p> <p>My lover finally got the message! ..... What a bluddy performance though ..... We've had tears and tantrums, manipulation and threats (and that was just him)..... All he had to do was listen to my calm, assertive expression of needs in the first place ..... not too much to ask! However, I shouldn't moan, (It's bad for facial lines) he's got the message now, he loves me, and all is well in the world until the next time. I've stopped the countdown at 5 and it will be resumed if he fails to give me the attention I deserve. (If you are reading this darling ..... I love you too xxx) God, this love business is a total pain in the arse ..... I would not recommend it.</p> <p>Lots of people have read my blog ..... well, at least three ..... and I have comments and private messages and stuff ...... I now feel I have a responsibility to my fans ......</p> <p>Day 10 as a non smoker ..... No patches for 5 days!!! ..... Feelings of anger were coupled with feelings of deep grief ..... Yesterday I didn't know whether to burst into tears or hit someone ..... I did absolutely nothing because my brain was incapable of making a decision ...... Not demencia after all. </p> <p>Thanks for your comments, much appreciated, I will reply soon.</p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/09/28/three_blogs_in_quick_succession_i_am_get~1167243/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-09-23:/2006/09/23/am_i_bovered~1152142/Sparkyx2006-09-23T03:44:32+02:002006-09-23T03:44:32+02:00 <p>Everything seems to be in reasonably good nick today. No extra wrinkles visible under the pound shop magnifying glass, droopiness and bingo wings inspected and recorded as stable, hair luxuriant brunette, not even a hint of grey. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"> (Thanks to the £33 spent at the hairdressers yesterday)</p> <p>I pranced off to work, healthy breakfast in my belly, hair tossing like a Silvercreme advert and lovely high heeled boots on my feet ..... I felt positively youthful.</p> <p>My life today ......</p> <p>I spoke to my lover on the telephone and used my best 'mannish' to gently explain that he wasn't meeting my needs and to ask if he intended to attempt to meet them in the future. It was like flogging a dead and decomposing horse ..... he felt "told off" and "pressured" (poor love) and then he CLOSED DOWN!!! ..... Arghhhhhhhh ...... He couldn't talk any more, the conversation was too much for him ..... It wasn't as if I was demanding multiply bluddy orgasms!!! Ohhhhhhhh, the frustration of it all!!! (If you are reading this, WIMP, get a bluddy life ..... you don't have a clue what pressure is ..... Ohhhhhh ..... and the countdown has begun ......)</p> <p>The joys of living in London ..... I was sent home from work today because of "significant risk of random, retribution shootings". The students were evacuated and staff advised to exit quickly. </p> <p>There I was, looking every inch a target, having to hobble into the firing line on my throbbing hoofs. If someone had given me a gun I would have shot my own feet off! ...... Six hours in measly three inch heels and my feet show their age! Arghhhhhhhhhh</p> <p>Yesterday, I read a blog about 'The power of no' so I have been practising saying no all day ...... very impowering ..... Tonight, I said no to the online commmunity that I set up three years ago ...... I need to move on, new challenges ...... I posted a note of resignation, removed my name from the welcome message and left lover boy in charge ..... Do you think he will get the message?</p> <p>Day five of not smoking ..... am I f'ing bothered? ..... Anger management still a slight problem!</p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/09/23/am_i_bovered~1152142/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-09-21:/2006/09/22/i_am_a_useless_blogger~1148941/Sparkyx2006-09-22T00:16:29+02:002006-09-22T00:16:29+02:00 <p>Where have the past weeks gone? Is it me or is time going faster? Is racing time a sign of impending elderlyness? Woe is meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.</p> <p>My life today ......</p> <p>I wrote an e-mail to my lover, resigning from the relationship ..... It was very businesslike ..... I didn't send it ..... However, I am looking for a younger replacement. (If you are reading this, you selfish, bitter little fucker, pull your finger out or you will regret it for the rest of your sorry life ..... your days are numbered! :-) </p> <p>I had my hair done, (Grey has a limited lifespan on my head) My hairdresser showed me her body piercings and we discussed the merits of nipple v tongue. I am now considering having something pierced ..... Why not! ..... Any suggestions? </p> <p>Day four as a non smoker ..... Easy! ..... Hmmmmm ..... I realised that smoking helped to cap my anger and resentment. </p> <p>Ooooooooo I feel so much better now. :-)</p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/09/22/i_am_a_useless_blogger~1148941/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-08-02:/2006/08/02/how_do_you_make_new_friends_help_require~1009309/Sparkyx2006-08-02T23:18:46+02:002006-08-03T00:48:03+02:00 <p>You reach mid life, begin your crisis and then discover that none of your peers want to join you on your wild jaunts to the local night club. </p> <p>Clubbing is great but not much fun alone, and who would want to bungie jump without an audience? You can Salsa, Rock and Roll, and Ceroc until you have blisters ..... but without a partner? It looks silly ..... I know, I've done it!</p> <p>How do you make new friends when you're 50? </p> <p>I have five weeks off work and I want to have some fun. I want to try new things and enjoy my time with some interesting, lively, people. I have some lovely friends but they don't seem to enjoy the same things as me any more. They have gone a bit crusty. (love em)</p> <p>I love to chat, dance, sing, laugh, chill and would try most things at least once. I crave long discussions and debates, enjoy film, art and music of all kinds, I am open minded and am excited by a challenge ..... But knitting and Bingo just do not do it for me. </p> <p>So I am on a quest, a hunt for like minded people ..... Where do I find them?</p> <p>I would appreciate any ideas you may have on how to make new friends quickly. (I haven't got time to join an evening class) Any suggestion will be gratefully accepted, tried, and successes/failures reported on these pages.</p> <p>My plan for tomorrow is to go to Borders in Oxford Street, London. I will sit next to anyone who takes my fancy and, if they meet my 'requirements', ask for/give my phone number :-) </p> <p>So if a strange woman with a slightly crazed look approaches, don't be afraid, just humour her, she's having her mid life crisis.</p> <p>Sparky x</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/08/02/how_do_you_make_new_friends_help_require~1009309/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-07-20:/2006/07/20/does_anyone_give_a_shit~976014/Sparkyx2006-07-20T23:46:39+02:002006-07-20T23:46:39+02:00 <p>I was sitting here contemplating my navel,(as one does)feeling like shit and unsure as to whether to share my life with the blogging world when I thought "Does anyone give a shit?". Then I typed it ..... Then I accidently sent the heading ..... just the heading. So now I feel obliged to write.</p> <p>Does anyone give a shit? </p> <p>Should I vomit up the carroty details of my love life or should I just finish off the bottle of Prosseco and have an early night?</p> <p>An early night I think. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/07/20/does_anyone_give_a_shit~976014/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-07-20:/2006/07/20/does_anyone_give_a_shit~975959/Sparkyx2006-07-20T23:27:46+02:002006-07-20T23:27:46+02:00<p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/07/20/does_anyone_give_a_shit~975959/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2006-06-22:/2006/06/23/is_there_life_after_the_mid_life_crisis~903835/Sparkyx2006-06-23T00:09:02+02:002006-09-21T22:29:59+02:00 <p>I am back! </p> <p>Recently I have been plagued by horrifying thoughts that my mid-life crisis was over ..... Plagued!</p> <p>There were very clear signs ..... I found myself 'pottering' in the garden ...... For those of you who do not know what pottering entails I shall enlighten you. </p> <p>Pottering can include such activites as;</p> <p>'Slug hunting' ..... Creeping around the garden in the dead of night, 'Magilight' in hand, in an attempt to catch the snotty creatures chewing on your Hostas ..... <img src="/img/smilies/grayupset.gif" alt=":##" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>'Dead heading' ...... A repetative compulsive disorder that involves ripping the slightly aged heads off flowers, repeatedly counting new buds and creating complex graphs highlighting the 'dead head' to new yeald ratio ..... This activity can lead to insanity! ..... </p> <p>As if the above horror was not enough, I also began to 'search for my roots' ...... No, not plant roots. (By this time I could actually plant a hardy perennial, root end downwards) ...... I am talking FAMILY roots ..... Geneology ..... Ancestory. </p> <p>It was when I found myself eagerly searching through the zillion entries in the 1881 census, to find my great grandfather 'Unknown Smith', that I finally noticed the clanging in my head ...... It was the death knell! </p> <p>I got myself into therapy double quick and am pleased to say that the gentle nodding of my counsellor helped me to get 'in touch' with the feelings that had led to my 'near death experience'. (There was no circle of white light just slugs and the names of long dead relatives)</p> <p>In time I learned that the events of the past six months had taken their toll and forced me into premature post mid life crisis state ..... It was horrible. </p> <p>However, my mum is now coping with her grief following death of my stepfather, my sister, who has terminal breast cancer. is zipping around London in her newly acquired Sonic Blue 4 x 4 and LIVING. Sister number two, who has had a double mastectomy, is preparing to be a Jordan lookelikey when she has her operation to restore her lost boobs and my best mate has beaten the 100,000 to 1 odds and found the bone marrow donor who will hopefully cure her of Leukemia. Of course, work is still sh*t, socks disappear in the washing machine and my 'lover' continues to be as supportive as a broken crutch. </p> <p>But hey! I am cured ...... I am stepping onto the roller coaster and it is absolutely brilliant to be back. </p> <p>I am OUT this weekend, my red toenails match my knickers and I am ready to party. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Is there life after the mid life crisis? I am not ready to find out. </p> <p>Sparky xx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2006/06/23/is_there_life_after_the_mid_life_crisis~903835/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2005-12-06:/2005/12/06/midlife_bleedin_mayhem_and_limp_dicks~366262/Sparkyx2005-12-06T23:07:58+01:002005-12-06T23:07:58+01:00 <p>Did the limp dicks reference catch your attention?</p> <p>This blog was supposed to be about my mid life crisis and all I have talked about is family crisis and latterly love crisis.</p> <p>I started all poetic, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fully intending to write every day and it has been nothing but disaster upon disaster ever since.</p> <p>First my computer got stroppy ..... it is a gamble as to whether I will be able to send this blog ..... Then the family began to fall to pieces. At the moment I have one sister with breast cancer, another with liver cancer and a stepfather who was suddenly paralised as a result of bone cancer ...... there is loads more but I will skip all that ..... The cherry on the cake is that my 'lover' has chosen this moment to dump me after five roller coaster years. One minute we are walking hand in hand the next it is all over ..... Apparently he took a "reality check" and forgot to discuss it with me. </p> <p>Sooooooooo I am free again ..... I am clubbing on Saturday ..... so watch out London ..... My hair and nails are scheduled for an overhaul on Friday night, I have chosen the sexiest outfit to wear ..... all sparkly and feminine ..... and bit of slap and a dash of Izzy will transform me from this sad old bag to the sophisticated older woman that I am ..... Hmmmm ..... Apart from the dodgy knee that is ..... Yep, fate has dealt me yet another wicked blow ..... My bleedin knee is playing up ..... </p> <p>Will Sparky trip the light fantastic with a limp? ..... Will men see past the gammy leg to the beauty within? Will she be capable of limping on four inch heels? ..... Watch this space.</p> <p>Sparky x Ohhhhhh if you read this leave me a message ..... I am beginning to think I am talking to myself xxxxx </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2005/12/06/midlife_bleedin_mayhem_and_limp_dicks~366262/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2005-12-02:/2005/12/02/he_had_big_ears_anyway~355350/Sparkyx2005-12-02T17:38:35+01:002005-12-02T20:14:56+01:00 <p>I have just been dumped and I don't know whether to sob or to celebrate.</p> <p>If you have a prejudice against big ears you are probably thinking that I am lucky to be shot of him. But he didn't have big ears at all. (They were one of his best features actually.<img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>The title of this blog comes from something my sisters and I used to say following a dumping. We would gather around the sob soaked sister offering hugs with lashings of wine and chocolate. "I will survive" played repeatedly as tales of the wrongs "the b*stard" had perpetrated were tut tutted over. Of course there is nothing wrong with you" we cried in unison. "You are too good for him" we advised. "He doesn't deserve you" we tried. But if all else failed we would bring in the big guns ..... "There are plenty more fish in the sea". (After three bottles of wine this one tended to do the trick)</p> <p>The sinned against sister would wipe her eyes with her snotty sleave, give a reluctant smile and slur "He had big ears anyway" The room would expand with laughter and the world would be a better place in the morning.</p> <p>That was thirty years ago, 'I will survive' has lost its grooves and my sisters have more serious issues to contend with. So it's just me and Dido sharing a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. </p> <p>I have no need to list his faults, they were over ridden by my heart. Suffice to say that I will never forgive him for throwing away a five year friendship with a two minute phone call.</p> <p>Of course there is nothing wrong with me. No, he really didn't deserve me. It's true, I am too good for him ..... and he had big ears anyway. </p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2005/12/02/he_had_big_ears_anyway~355350/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2005-11-05:/2005/11/05/i_was_doing_so_well_and_then~284752/Sparkyx2005-11-05T13:29:38+01:002005-11-05T13:36:35+01:00 <p>It's a bit like starting a diet ..... Blogging I mean ..... You know the sort of thing ..... "I will just eat this last family sized 'Spotty Dick', start my diet on Monday and eat carrots and cauliflower for the rest of my life" ..... You have never heard of a Spotty Dick? ...... It's a huge steamed pudding made with suet and dried fruit, slimey on the outside and soft and steamy in the middle ..... Large ones are usually cooked in a piece of old bed sheet but, for the smaller family, grandads hanky will suffice. (It is very popular with working class Londoners, born pre 1965 ..... Don't ask why!)</p> <p>As I was saying ..... blogging is like dieting ..... I started my blog, all those weeks ago, fully intending to write every single day and haven't been near a computer since. </p> <p>Why?</p> <p>Because my mid-life crisis has been cruely interupted by real life. There I was, wondering whether old age was upon me, cataloguing extra wrinkles and the like, when I was brought back down to Earth with a bang. </p> <p>Two of my sisters have breast cancer! ..... Not one but two! ..... I know breast cancer is very common nowadays, but my sisters are years younger than me ..... just 36 and 44 ..... This is supposed to happen to older women! I feel a deep sadness ..... seeing someone who is close to you going through this is a most awful thing ..... But I also feel guilty that it is happening to them and not me ..... Don't get me wrong ..... I DON'T WANT BREAST CANCER ..... but I feel guilty that they have got it and I haven't ..... What is that all about? </p> <p>It doesn't take a genius to see that there could be a genetic thing going on here ..... so we are going to have our genes checked ..... a blood test should do it ..... and I will know whether I can close my bra fund or not. </p> <p>Ohhhhhhhh you don't know about my bra fund ..... Bluddy bra's!!! ..... My mum is knitting one for me as we speak ..... It is getting that desparate. </p> <p>I have been trying to find a bra ..... that fits ..... for months and months and months. I consider myself a 'normal' woman ..... two large boobs, roundish, at the front of my body ..... nothing unusual there. So why, is it so hard to find a bra that fits? ..... I walked the lenghth of Oxford Street, went in every single store and didn't find a single bra in my size ..... Well, not one suitable for a woman in the middle of her midlife crisis anyway. (It has to be gorgeous and sexy and make me feel young and vibrant) </p> <p>There was the white construction that could have housed a small family and inspired many a mountaineer ..... OK, it would probably win a prize for engineering but it was soooooooo ugly. I just want something pretty ..... with colour ...... and matching panties ..... preferably with round, rather than pointed, cups (They can be so dangerous)...... and in a size 36J ..... Not too much to ask, I think. </p> <p>I understand that they can be found ..... at a price ..... I once saw a lovely one ...... beautiful, turquoise lace, matching thong ..... It was £65!!! ..... That is £32.50 per boob!!! ..... Hence my fund. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>Well, as they say, 'every cloud has a silver lining' ..... So, if the DNA test reveals bad news I can empty my bra account, get lagged and stop counting the wrinkles. </p> <p>In the meantime, life goes on ..... Here I am, a trilby sitting on my head at a jaunty angle, looking death in the eye ..... and saying ..... Don't even think about it! </p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p>Anyone here know anything about punctuation? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2005/11/05/i_was_doing_so_well_and_then~284752/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2005-08-23:/2005/08/23/it_s_going_up/Sparkyx2005-08-23T01:30:22+02:002005-08-23T01:30:22+02:00 <p>I just lost my blog!!! ..... Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ..... What is 'Tag j is not allowed in Tag em' supposed to mean? What is a Tag anyway?</p> <p>I will not be beaten ..... Here we go again ..... </p> <p>If someone calls you a sexual Tyrannasaurus do they mean you're old? ..... Just a though <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Yes, the roller coaster is on the up and it is all because of blogging ..... The other night I was looking for hot spoons with which to pluck out my eyeballs ..... Today I have an interest, I have a purpose in life ..... I am a blogger!!!</p> <p>(Why the hot spoons? ..... What else do you use when you find you have backed yourself into a corner with no way out? ..... It's obvious isn't it!) </p> <p>I didn't get to bed until three this morning it was blog, blog, blog all night ..... Have you read these things?Some of them are absolutely fascinating. </p> <p>Ohhhhhh and isn't it great when someone makes a comment on yours ...... hmmmmm ..... I feel a new addiction coming on <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>However, blogging is not without it's dilemas ..... Being the honest person that I am (Too honest for my own good at times) I am wondering just how far I am going to go with this ..... I am currently holding back the need to vomit my personal woes over the world and large ..... One good barf and you could be covered in the carroty details of my love life ..... Yuk! ..... It's a dilema indeed ..... I will give it long and serious thought. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_neutral.gif" alt=":|" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>This mid life crisis lark is a bugger. Do you know what I have just realised? ..... I am going to die <img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0">..... It's OK, I don't mean right now, but someday I am going to die .....<br> I know I am a bit late in realising this (But better late than never I suppose ..... It would have been a disaster if I found myself dead without prior warning) <img src="/img/smilies/icon_twisted.gif" alt=":>" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Anyway, here is my problem ..... After realising that I am going to die, it didn't take too long for me to work out that I had a limited time to live ..... Seriously scary!!! </p> <p>Now, that wouldn't be too bad if I was happy and content with my life ..... I would just go on living until I stopped. But I am not happy with any aspect of my life at all ...... OK, I probably look and feel better than at any other time in my life ..... and yes, I have more energy, enthusiasm and confidence ...... BUT ..... I am not happy ...... </p> <p>I have spent the past five years avoiding this simple fact (quite successfully I might add) but my strategies are no longer working ..... (I went clubbing the other night and took a book in case I got bored ..... definitely a bad sign) </p> <p>So that leaves me with the BIG QUESTION ..... What do I want to do with the rest of my life and what am I prepared to do to achieve it? </p> <p>Right, that's enough navel gazing for one night, I am off to bed.</p> <p>Keep safe,</p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2005/08/23/it_s_going_up/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk,2005-08-21:/2005/08/21/is_it_hard/Sparkyx2005-08-21T23:09:59+02:002005-08-22T01:33:17+02:00 <p>Have you ever wondered why it is so hard to begin? ..... Hmmmm ..... Perhaps it is me <img src="/img/smilies/icon_crazy.gif" alt=":crazy:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I am here because I am in the middle of my mid life crisis ..... Need I say more? ..... Perhaps I do?</p> <p>If you are under 35 then you won't have a clue as to what I am on about (Although last night I met a 34 year old who was obviously showing early signs ..... But that is another story) If you are over 35 then you might be taking the first steps towards a state that makes adolescence look like a walk in the park. Beware!!! </p> <p>I am 50 now ..... yes, you are right, I don't look my age and I don't feel it either. But, without a doubt, I am suffering the consequences of achieving middle age. </p> <p>Strange things are happening to me. (And I am not talking about wrinkles and lubrication problems here)This is serious stuff! </p> <p>I go clubbing! Yes clubbing!!! I find myself attracted to 30 year olds (OK, I intend to be honest here ..... and younger <img src="/img/smilies/icon_redface.gif" alt=":oops:" class="middle" border="0">) I know! That doesn't sound too bad but there is more ..... much, much more. My life has been turned upside down and inside out. </p> <p>It all started on a beach in Bermuda ..... It was a beautiful beach, with pink sand and a sea of luminous green ..... I dived under the warm, sparkling waves, a fat,dumpy, contented housewife on my first holiday away from my demanding family. It was wonderful, I felt like a little girl as I swam with the fabulous fishes, I could have stayed there forever. </p> <p>When I surfaced I was immediately aware that something inside me had changed ..... I shook the water from my hair and asked myself what the hell I had been doing with my life for all of those years. The 'real' me was back! </p> <p>That exact moment marked the beginning of the crisis ..... and ohhhhhh, the adventures I have had since ..... Yes, I will tell you about them but you will have to come back another time <img src="/img/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif" alt=":D" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>I have been on this roller coaster for five years now and I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get off. (Sometimes the thought of knitting and carpet slippers seems positively attractive.) But no, I am not ready yet, so I continue on my ride ..... At the moment I am hanging on for dear life, surrounded by people but feeling lonely, isolated, lost and confused. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will begin to climb again. <img src="/img/smilies/icon_confused.gif" alt=":-/" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p>Sparky x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://aliveandkicking.blog.co.uk/2005/08/21/is_it_hard/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>