My Christmas presents .....

1. A very long gold chain (Because my huge boobs make anything less than 20 plus inches long look like a choker)

2. A pair of silver hoop earings.

3. A silver ring with fake diamonds

4. A huge bottle of Izzy Mikake perfume (for men, because I don't like the one for women)

5. 'Singing in the Rain' DVD

6. 'The inspector general' DVD (With Danny Kaye)D

7. A wonderful belt with studs and diamonds and a sparkly buckle from NEXTD

8. A diamonte stretch bracelet.

9. Earings to match the bracelet. (Super dooper bling)

10. A set of kitchen knives.

11. A pair of black leather gloves with fluff trim.

12. A very, very long soft black scarf.

13. A Jasper Conran bronze/gold pashmina.

14. A silver, black and turquoise diamond pendant with matching earings.

15. A sage green light jumper.

16. Dangly, over the top, earings that match the jumper perfectly.

17. A bottle of pink Champagne.D

18. A packet of Roses chocolates.

19. 'Pub Quiz' interactive DVD.

20. 2 bottles of white wine.

21. 2 bottles of red wine.

22. A cream and gold candle in a glass with little gold stars.

23. A mug with the inscription 'Able to multitask, even when resting'. (From my boss)

24. A £20 gift voucher for Evans.

25. Two texts and a voice mail message from my lover on Christmas day.D

What on earth do my Christmas presents say about me?

Sparky x

I've finished!

The house is spick and span (what on earth does that mean?) ..... I know it means clean but where, oh where, does 'spick and span' come from? As I was saying, the house is spotless (in preparation for visitors), all the presents are wrapped and sitting under the tree, the Turkey's stuffed and ready to be popped into the oven and the kitchen is bursting with Yuletide fare.

I've done my bit for another year and now I can put my feet up and relax ..... at last. zzzzzzzzz ......

Oooops ...... Just one more thing to do .....

I wish you everything you wish for yourself at Christmas and in 2007.

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Sparky x

Still ill! Getting worse.

Sparky x

Sick of SITTING and still too exhausted to contemplate work, I ventured out, with the remains of my flu, to meet my lover.

We shared germs.

Saturday marks the sixth anniversary of our first meeting. I remember, so clearly, the moment I first saw him on the dance floor, his white shirt glowing under the ultra violet ..... blonde and fresh faced ..... a neat body, so perfectly packaged ..... pristine ..... he was beautiful.

He was also bright and friendly and interesting and funny and obviously trying to impress me, but it didn't enter my mind that he was really 'interested' in me .....(Me? Fat and frumpy and years and years older?) .....

Then we danced ..... and we fitted together just like peas and carrots. (Thank you Forrest Gump)

It was heaven to be in his arms ..... I closed my eyes and allowed myself to melt into him ..... and as he held me close I heard his gentle whispers ..... "Maggie Thatcher", "Maggie Thatcher", "Maggie Thatcher" ...... I was horrified to discover that I was dancing with a member of a Tory cult! ..... But then I realised, with relief, that the poor boy was attempting, unsuccessfully, to control his throbbing erection

He pursued me with e-mails and phone calls until our first 'date' two months later ..... I fell 'in love' with him there and then ..... I remember the exact moment ..... As he walked to the bar I was struck by his beauty, the line of his profile, his compact body ..... I felt so overwhelmingly lucky to be able to be in his company ...... even now, the memory of that moment leaves me breathless. (Please feel free to vomit if you wish)

Six years later and we have survived a roller coaster of emotions. His faults are all to obvious and frustrating and fascinating and irritating ...... and I still wonder at his beauty and I still get excited at the prospect of seeing him, and I still grieve when we are separated and I only, truly, feel whole when my hand is in his ..... I love him. (Ahhhhh)

So, today I shared my germs with the man I love. I selfishly put him at risk of flu.
Does this cast a doubt on the depth of my love?

Should I feel guilty?

Sparky x

I planned for two, well earned, 'sickies' on Thursday and Friday and what do you think happened? I actually got ill! Where's the fairness in that?

Instead of meeting my friend for lunch and catching up on some Christmas shopping, I spent two whole days SITTING, too exhausted to move farther than the loo.

On Saturday, unable to sit for one moment longer, I ventured into the light, on my Bambi legs, and wandered aimlessly amongst the Christmas shoppers. I searched, through blurry eyes, for 'inspiration'. What do you give someone who was given three months to live LAST Christmas?

My sister, Sue, bequeathed all her worldly goods this time last year when she was told that her breast cancer had spread to her lungs, liver and bones and that she only had three months to live. Trinkets were given to family and friends who may have once commented on, or admired them. Her 'affairs' were put 'in order', everything neat and tidy in preparation for her death.

However, Sue's latest two scans revealed no sign of cancer in her liver or lungs ..... Gone?! ..... No Trace?! ..... Vanished?!

I should be jumping for joy but the news has left me stunned, I spent over a year preparing for her death ..... How do I get my head around this news? Can I trust it and relax? Will a new Christmas trinket, something for her to keep forever, be tempting fate? Should I buy something for here and now, something disposable, so as not to alert Death to his mistake?

I almost crawled home from the shops and was relieved to be back in the warm. I was prepared for yet another night SITTING when my friend phoned. "No Sarah, I couldn't possibly come out dancing tonight, I am sooooooooo ill" I said, as I put my outfit together in my head. "I am absolutely (Red top) exhausted (Black fishnets) and really need to (Black ankle straps) rest".

The prospect of dancing the night away, revived me. I slowly began to pick up speed ..... I shivered into shower, pushed my aching arms into applying my make up, (lots of slap around the red rimmed eyes) on with the dress, slip into those heels and off I tottered ..... A bottle of Champagne later and I was dancing hip to hip with Louis, tall, dark and handsome ..... and 28! (See my blog 'men see with one eye') I rolled home at 4 am, full of the joys of Spring ..... Cured!

Today I am SITTING, I have just enough energy to get me to the loo and to push my fingers into slow, laboured, movement as I write this blog ..... Work looms ..... Another bottle of Champagne, I wonder? ..... Hmmmmm ..... Just the present for Sue!

Sparky x

11 weeks since I stopped smoking and I am as fat as a house ..... You can't win can you!