I am not making any new years resolutions, there is absolutely no point whatsoever.

I have made new years resolutions every single year of my adult life, I start preparing them in September so they are ready for new years eve, I write them in my diary/blog, make public declarations, but I never, ever keep them.

So, when I read this post on 1st January 2009, an unhealthy eating, alcohol drinking, caffine addicted, un jogged, amoral sex fiend, I will feel a total success!

Happy New Year!

Sparky x

Well that didn't work! (See previous post)

Nine months since my last blog and despite all of that word giving little has changed. Still fat, still unhealthy, still stressed, still in the same job, blah, blah, blah .....

So what happened? It's simple really, I FORGOT my goals. I just got caught up in everyday life.

So here I am again.

The current state of play ......

It is almost a year since I stopped smoking! So you are feeling fit and healthy I hear you say ..... Am I bugger! I am as fat as a house, my blood pressure is up and I feel old. (Over the hill even)

I am pleased that I finally kicked the weed but now I have a new battle. I really do need to get fit (and loose weight) soon.

This weekend I bought myself some training kit and tomorrow (if I can get the kit out of the bag) I start the battle of the bulge. (Well, bulges actually)

I still haven't worked out how to include exercise into my routine. I hate walking, running is an impossibility with 36J's, and gym is nothing better than a torture chamber. I love swimming though ...... but it buggers up my hair ...... hmmmm ...... It looks like it will have to be dancing ..... Rock and Roll, Jive, Belly, Salsa, I love it all ..... Anyone want to join me?

I am back to work tomorrow after six weeks off. I am not looking forward to it one little bit. I am going back to conflict or control ..... more to follow.

However, I am counting down the days until I start my 'Stand up comedy course' ..... Yes, a STAND UP COMEDY course ..... One bottle of Prosecco, a few gin and tonics, and just a tiny amount of Brandy, and £159 is electronically transfered out of my bank account ..... YES £159!!! ..... so I can learn how to be a stand up comic!!! ...... AND I DON'T EVEN LIKE COMEDY ..... Oh the power of alcohol ..... It sounded like such a good idea at the time ..... Ho hum.

Sparky x

Today I kept my word!

Yesterday I 'gave my word' (to myself) that I would allow myself time and space to think about my aims for 2007.

I woke up at 11 (I hate sleeping late) and I was EXHAUSTED. The past weeks and months have taken a toll and Christmas and the 'festivities' have, well and truly, finished me off. My day was filled with activity ..... cleaning, shopping, cooking, preparing for work in the morning, catching up with old friends, deep conversations whilst 'relaxing' in Starbucks, supportive phonecalls to mum and sister ..... the day was filled to bursting.

BUT I kept my word ..... I took myself into the bedroom with one intention only ..... to give myself space to think.

I lay on the bed in the darkness and noticed my how fast my heart was racing and I tried to calm it by breathing slowly ..... In on the count of five, out on the count of five ..... I noticed the pressure across my forehead and the burning tiredness in my eyes ...... I noticed how my hips and thighs spread across the bed, wider than they were before ..... I noticed how my stomach churned ..... My mind hopped and jumped from things that 'I should be doing'

Ten minutes later I had to DO something ..... I could only relax for 10 measly minutes!
I was shocked at just how stressed and unfit I was feeling ..... and even more shocked that it was only when I stopped that I noticed ..... I stayed in the bedroom and wrote my aims .....

For the next month .....

I give my word that I will give myself space to relax for 30 minutes every day.
I give my word that I will eat only when I am hungry.
I give my word that I will choose food that will help me to become healthy.
I give my word that I will break my addiction to caffine.
I give my word that I will exercise for at least one hour every week.
I give my word that I will see a doctor.
I give my word that I will see a dentist.
I give my word that I will review the above in one month.

I give my word that I will show my love more often.

I actually felt fear at the thought of giving my word to do the following :-

Within four months .....

I give my word that I will earn money by organising a social event.

Within one year .....

I give my word that I will be earning a regular income by organising social events.

So there you have it, I have given my word ..... So how much is it worth?

If you get this far please leave a comment.

Sparky x

How good is your word? If you give your word to do something, to be there for someone, can you be relied on 100 per cent?

I was asked the above question recently and was surprised to discover that my word was only 'my bond' when given to others (and even then there were always 'get out' clauses)

My word, when given to myself, was worthless. "I will not smoke", "I will eat healthily", "I will find a new job", "I will try new things", etc., ..... My word was broken on all counts ..... I put up all sorts of barriers to achieving my 'goals' mainly through fear.

2007, another new year, time again to reassess my life.

I have hopes and ambitions that I am afraid of realising ..... does that make sense? I have had an idea for a new occupation for myself for ages ..... I want to run my own nightclub (A bit of a leap from working with kids with challenging behaviour) I have lots of brilliant ideas but they rarely come to anything because of fear ..... Of? ..... Failure, of course.

So this year, I will not make new years resolutions. I will give my word to myself to achieve what I set out to achieve. (No get out clauses this time)

Tonight I give my word that I will make space for myself tomorrow to think about and write my goals for 2007.

It's been an exhausting week of festivities, I am stuffed to the brim with Christmas fare and am bursting out of most of my clothes (an interesting sight, I never quite know what will pop out next ..... hmmmm ..... I could probably make some money selling tickets) However, I am entering 2007 with a spring in my step, a smile on my face and lurvvvvve in my heart. The year is full of possibilities!

Someone sent me this new years message, I liked it and would like to offer it to you all.

Remember, life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably
and never regret anything that made you smile.

Happy New Year to you all.

(If you get this far, don't forget to leave a comment, it would be great to make some new friends in 2007)

Ohhhhhhhhh I nearly forgot, I stopped smoking in September and am still, happily, a non smoker. Good Luck to all who have decided to quit in 2007 ..... It is really worth the effort.

Sparky x

My Christmas presents .....

1. A very long gold chain (Because my huge boobs make anything less than 20 plus inches long look like a choker)

2. A pair of silver hoop earings.

3. A silver ring with fake diamonds

4. A huge bottle of Izzy Mikake perfume (for men, because I don't like the one for women)

5. 'Singing in the Rain' DVD

6. 'The inspector general' DVD (With Danny Kaye)D

7. A wonderful belt with studs and diamonds and a sparkly buckle from NEXTD

8. A diamonte stretch bracelet.

9. Earings to match the bracelet. (Super dooper bling)

10. A set of kitchen knives.

11. A pair of black leather gloves with fluff trim.

12. A very, very long soft black scarf.

13. A Jasper Conran bronze/gold pashmina.

14. A silver, black and turquoise diamond pendant with matching earings.

15. A sage green light jumper.

16. Dangly, over the top, earings that match the jumper perfectly.

17. A bottle of pink Champagne.D

18. A packet of Roses chocolates.

19. 'Pub Quiz' interactive DVD.

20. 2 bottles of white wine.

21. 2 bottles of red wine.

22. A cream and gold candle in a glass with little gold stars.

23. A mug with the inscription 'Able to multitask, even when resting'. (From my boss)

24. A £20 gift voucher for Evans.

25. Two texts and a voice mail message from my lover on Christmas day.D

What on earth do my Christmas presents say about me?

Sparky x